COMMITMENT

Gutturally you can feel commitment. Or not.

Commitment embraces the good times and the bad. Commitment is not just turning up for the party. Everyone loves a party. Commitment is also everyday life, and that’s not always pretty.

Daily life is a lonely journey in solitude. It’s hectic, there’s pressure, responsibility, tears of joy and sorrow, conversations and kisses. That’s the real stuff, life’s made of it. The test of commitment, is when someone wants both, real life and crazy times. All of it, all at once.

Commitment is not suffocation and should not to be feared, the opposite in fact. Contentment, knowledge that there’s a strong love, a life connection.

Stepping back to view the complete picture from above, setting the heart aside, is a sound idea when met with a red flag.

Dreams carry secrets and insights, perhaps clarity. So if in the conscious world it’s murky, perhaps direction lies with the subconscious.

Sleep.

SECRETS

Secrets are for kids. If only that were true. Adults are bigger than kids, and sadly, so can the secrets be.

‘Secret’ sounds quite innocent, almost fun, something a little naughty but in a good way. Then there’s the kind of secret that really should be called another name, deception. Those types of secrets are an ugly cloud of deceit, dishonesty and disrespect. They are the kinds of secrets that grow and escalate, hurt people, hurt families and destroy lives.

Feeling the depth of despair after uncovering a secret of magnitude is unbearable. Life becomes pin prick tiny, simple, black and white. Your capacity to focus narrows, your world slows down to almost a standstill while the rest of the world continues at pace. It’s disorientating and alienating. Lonely. It casts black shadows on all of your life, outlines fade. Trust. Broken.

Once trust is broken that’s it. What’s left after that? Nothing. Yeah sure there’s the memories and perhaps lost dreams, but even they’re tainted, tainted with the darkness that secrets and deceit leave in their wake. I struggle to see how things can align again. Personally I would always second guess, it would lead to vulnerability and insecurity. Vulnerability can be endearing but insecurity certainly is not.

For the person holding the secret, they may build up resentment to justify actions, become critical, irritable and aggressive. That was certainly my experience being on the receiving end. Once revealed, there was denial and than attempts to rationalise the lies. The cover-up was worse than the violations, just.

So, secrets. Don’t. Just don’t.

JUDGEMENT

Living life authentically leads to personal freedom. I believe that living a free life is truly listening to your inner soul and responding.

What has personally crippled me is judgement. Judgement, if I choose to listen, crushes my soul. But living a life where judgement has always been an underlying and even an overarching constant is hard to ignore. I choose not to listen anymore.

I am saying no more to judgement. Judgement has inhibited my decisions, cast self doubt, killed my confidence, dimmed my creativity and left me deeply sad so many times. I identify it, and I’m going to change some lifetime relationships and enforce some boundaries. I can’t be truly me with that judgement following me.

I want to live life with my priorities sorted. Life’s completely about being a good person, about treasuring those special people in life and holding them close. It’s also about letting go, letting go of toxic energy and unhealthy minded people, just breathing out and quietly letting them go, not with hate, not with anything, just saying goodbye. Not looking back, perhaps glancing, but only momentarily to reflect, then looking forward again where the real energy is.

I believe in real love, not absent-minded lust but true, deep love, soul mate stuff...‘I’ve met you before, I’m so sure of it’. The sort of love that hurts, that leaves you wondering what it’s all been about before. Deep feelings that resonate with your soul. The feeling of meeting someone so perfect for you that you can’t believe you have waited this long, where have they been all your life? The sort of person that is so intrinsically beautiful that you can’t help but love them and want them to be all they can be without wanting to change a thing about them. True love.

Life is for living, I have so many passions and dreams that can’t wait any longer. Yeah sure many of them have always been there and I’ve moved in the direction of them at times to varying degrees, but not for so many years have I actually felt that huge desire as I do. I’m not waiting anymore and that’s why boundaries are being set and I’m saying a firm NO to judgement.