DELETE

I came across this today. The image perfectly aligned with my last 24 hours. How more appropriate could you get. It’s a sign, well maybe not, but I saw it and it spoke to me. Fuck off it said.

Yesterday I said no more, I’m done, the tipping point for boundaries and action. It’s been a long time coming. Far to many chances have been given, at my detriment, leaving me pretty low, especially in the last day. I’m taking back my power, pushing toxic energy far outside my boundaries. Blocked. Deleted.

It left me turning back to myself, quietly reflecting, thoughtfully thinking. The decision was a total no brainer, it actually wasn’t a decision, a non decision. I was left thinking deeply about other parts of my life. What was I willing to accept? It left me still, devoid of conversation. The only conversation I needed to have was with myself and it was a serious one.

With a busy, disturbed mind, sleep didn’t come easy last night. I realised how completely over it I am and I felt relief that this was not going to continue. So as the sun came up, I welcomed the new day, relieved all pressure from myself other than what was critical.

Silence is bliss and I have a whole lot more of that to look forward to. Finally.

EMPATH

Empathy is a beautiful human trait. It’s one of the things that sets us apart from other animals. Some people lack empathy, it’s missing in action. Particularly narcissists. Narcissists have a severe lack of empathy. It can sometimes be disguised as apparently empathy can be learned. But it’s easy to spot if you know the signs, complete ambidexterity.

Empaths take sensitivity to the extreme, sensing energy and absorbing it, resulting in sensory overload. Emotions are felt extremely deeply, both personally and for others. Boundaries are critical so as to avoid absorbing others stress and pain and taking on emotions as their own. Not an easy ask when intuitively empaths are drawn to energies.

Some empaths are highly spiritual and intuitive. Intuition is a gift. We all have it to varying degrees. Some choose to ignore it. More fool them. Intuition is a great informer and protector. It can be hard to hear, quietly murmuring, or in my case, screaming obscenities after being ignored for so long. Listen.

Intuitive empaths are also adept at knowing if someone is lying or being truthful. It’s like they have laser vision and can see inside your head. They’re likely to avoid confrontation with their findings, as they care and feel too deeply. Empaths can read people and situations, identify issues between people, pick up on subtle energies. Note - Particularly interesting at a party with couples who have been together a long time.

Empath, a wonderful gift, but with conditions.

GRATITUDE

One big ugly life change that’s opened up my eyes and my world. For that, I feel so much gratitude.

Prior, I was blinkered, settling for less, existing. Struggling, hoping, muted. The world was grey, blurred. I was hollow and sad. Soul tired.

When a life change was upon me, I embraced it as best I could. I made choices, healthy ones, and set my sights on moving forward, very slowly at first. It was hard, very hard but I hung onto small glimpses of hope and light.

Those shining, fleeting moments carried me forward. When opportunities were presented, even big daunting ones, I quietly said yes. Those yes moments have brought me to today, and I could not be more proud of how far I have come.

The new me has traces of the old but the new Kara is confident and brave. The new me has healthy boundaries and an intuitive heart that knows instinctively who to let in, and who to lovingly leave out.

Today I notice the small things, and appreciate them for what they are. I don’t miss the signs when they’re there, and there have been many. Signs that tell me I’m on the right path. People that have come into my life at the right time, special people, significant. Opportunities that have presented, both little and massive.

Gratitude, I am grateful that I have been through both the worst and the best year of my life.

BOUNDARIES

Boundary setting is most definitely not a strong point of mine. I can be a straight shooter but will often avoid setting boundaries to avert conflict. Situations escalate and then become too big to impose boundaries. Then there’s a decision, continue to participate or leave. Leaving causes confusion to the boundary encroacher as there is no awareness of a problem. My growth lies in setting firm boundaries from the outset that are apparent to others, so apparent in fact that they are crystal clear.

That gut feeling in my stomach when boundaries have been crossed, the feeling of frustration and that lump in my throat when I hang onto words, speechless. The lump in my throat is audible when I speak, it causes constriction, making breathing difficult. I’m determined to find my voice again, and use it, not hang onto words in an effort to keep the peace. I promise myself to find the best way I can to say what I feel in a kind and healthy way and that means finding my voice and courageously using it.

Self-respect. Self-worth. Preserving the essence of who I am, only allowing those worthy to cross that invisible line. Some will never accept my boundaries, some will be unsupportive, that’s with them. Accept my boundaries or move on. Ta ra.

JUDGEMENT

Living life authentically leads to personal freedom. I believe that living a free life is truly listening to your inner soul and responding.

What has personally crippled me is judgement. Judgement, if I choose to listen, crushes my soul. But living a life where judgement has always been an underlying and even an overarching constant is hard to ignore. I choose not to listen anymore.

I am saying no more to judgement. Judgement has inhibited my decisions, cast self doubt, killed my confidence, dimmed my creativity and left me deeply sad so many times. I identify it, and I’m going to change some lifetime relationships and enforce some boundaries. I can’t be truly me with that judgement following me.

I want to live life with my priorities sorted. Life’s completely about being a good person, about treasuring those special people in life and holding them close. It’s also about letting go, letting go of toxic energy and unhealthy minded people, just breathing out and quietly letting them go, not with hate, not with anything, just saying goodbye. Not looking back, perhaps glancing, but only momentarily to reflect, then looking forward again where the real energy is.

I believe in real love, not absent-minded lust but true, deep love, soul mate stuff...‘I’ve met you before, I’m so sure of it’. The sort of love that hurts, that leaves you wondering what it’s all been about before. Deep feelings that resonate with your soul. The feeling of meeting someone so perfect for you that you can’t believe you have waited this long, where have they been all your life? The sort of person that is so intrinsically beautiful that you can’t help but love them and want them to be all they can be without wanting to change a thing about them. True love.

Life is for living, I have so many passions and dreams that can’t wait any longer. Yeah sure many of them have always been there and I’ve moved in the direction of them at times to varying degrees, but not for so many years have I actually felt that huge desire as I do. I’m not waiting anymore and that’s why boundaries are being set and I’m saying a firm NO to judgement.